I am good at doing things. I can organize with the best of them and pull anything off. Moving, the physical part of it, the planning and logistics is a piece of cake. Emotionally, I am generally strong and I did pretty well up until today really.
Part of going meant using up gift certificates I can't use in Texas. One of our most dearest friends here, Larry and Arlene, gave me a spa certificate a while ago and I only just used it today. As I relaxed in the dark room, on the warmed table with the new age music I felt very relaxed and was glad for the break when I realized this was my last Friday in New England and tomorrow is my last breakfast with the ham guys we love so dearly. They truly have been our family these last 14 years and I started to weep and felt like an idiot waiting for the technician to walk in on me.
I also thought about Larry and Arlene and even though we have seen little of each other since we moved from our house into apartments, they remain so dear in my heart. I wept more and tried to snap out of it. Tears were streaming down my face, I could not even wipe my eyes because my face was marinating in some herble miracle.
I was near their house so I wanted to see if I could stop by for a hug before moving next week, I dialed the number and was bawling and laughing because YES, I am happy to move and everything has gone so well, we are blessed, but moving means unraveling the mesh foundation of friendship enough to wriggle through so you can move on...these friendships are not ending, but they are changing and distance will make it hard, I know...I have moved and put distance between myself and many dear friends over the years. But just because I have done it before does not make it easier. Arlene was surprised with my level of emotion, I guess sometimes I am stoic. My emotions run very deep and moving and being close to my children and their precious babies has opened me up a lot.
So the good-byes are beginning. I have dinner tomorrow night with four other dear, wonderful friends, another comes to help me with the final packing on Sunday. People at work came by today to say farewell as they were going on holiday next week and would miss my lunch.
Arlene invited me to dinner with them on Tuesday...and the clock keeps ticking and I know the next days will pass quickly and I soon will be with Wally and all the kids and I am REALLY HAPPY for that and for all the goodness that came to make this real. But, the good-byes are so very hard I only wish I could weave a connection that keeps everyone I love close to me, because each and every one of them means so much. I do not escape Boston without pools of tears for the joy of knowing many dear people.