When I went in for orthoscopic surgery last June, I thought it was going to make me good as new. Instead, I awoke my arthritis and I became bone on bone...meaning I had very extreme pain in the 8 to 10 zone. It ended up being worse than my knee replacement that followed in January.
Knee surgery taught me about long term pain. Sure, pregnancy was painful, but it ended. I still have pain, I don't bend right yet, but I can walk, ride a bike, and try to swim and I do okay. I am literally learning to walk and bend and swim all over again. I took a yoga class last weekend and I could not do the child's pose. I could not really do a lot of the poses that put me on my knees. I wanted to cry. I have to learn to swim again too. Mostly because I lost so much strength in my right leg. I know I have to endure through these times and be glad I am doing these things. It is hard to go from being a strong person to realizing you are not immortal, nor is your strength.
When I rise to a standing position, I feel 80 years old...but once I get moving I feel ok. I am getting my stride back. Surgery was almost 4 months ago. Half my knee is still numb but I am making progress. I have been off pain meds for well over a month now. They were keeping me awake at night. I have to laugh at myself trying to garden...when I try to sit down on the ground, kneel, or get around it is pretty funny. Sometimes, I ask Wally to pull me up.
What is hard for me is what I call the queise factor. I am pretty quesy when it comes to blood and guts and things that are icky and so when I have to deal with a knee that is numb or feels icky when I put my weight on it, it holds me back a bit. When I walk there is a slight clicking. Mom mentioned that and so I was aware of it. More and more it is becoming my knee, but for now I am aware of my titanium's foreign properties. I am hoping this fades over time. I am looking forward to the day I will wake up, get out of bed and not wobble or feel the weirdness of the new knee, and walk like ME and not give it another thought...that will be the day!
At work, people still try to be nice to me and look out for me getting up or around. I am sure, to some degree, I am the cripple. That is all they have known about me. Now, I am going to turn that around and I hope that the memory of me hobbling around is gone for good. Having been pretty healthy all my life has been a blessing, so it is understandable that this threw me for a loop. Mom got her knee replacement in her late 70s and I am only 56. I am glad not to be hurting and thankful to be on the mend. I am thankful for good health insurance.